What I think of when I imagine Saturnalia attempting to write music:

February 12th at Wyld Tymes

So it seems like those sloppy nerds in Saturnalia were able to tear themselves away from Uniracer long enough to record some music and then get it mixed or whatever. Luckily for the rest of us, it's only 4 songs long and not a full-length album, so the ear-bleeding will be postponed for another day. There was some brief discussion about their show on the 12th at Wyld Tymes in St. Paul being an EP release show where they would give the CD out for free, but Pat "The Fat Cat" Shanks decided that "Goddamit, I spent a lot of time on this" and now we're all going to have to pay a dollar or maybe more.

But don't worry, loyal readers, the next time I infiltrate that wet dungeon of man-sweat and stale chips that is their practice studio, I'll steal the bounce files and replace them with Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Then I'll upload their outrageously overpriced EP to this blog and distribute it while copyrighting it in my name so I can sell Saturnalia's own terribleness right back to them at a ridiculous premium.

DOYLE

Somewhere in the far reaches of the universe, there is a planet called Saturnalia...or maybe it is a Roman festival...or one of St. Paul's biggest metal groups....

Full Article: http://www.examiner.com/local-music-in-st-paul/there-s-earth-and-then-there-is-saturnalia

I'll just leave this here:

Saturnalia Time

Alright folks, here it is. A little guide to understanding exactly what any member of this worthless band means when they estimate a date. It's gotten so predictably bad that I often wonder if Saturnalia would be a better video game company. Maybe we could get a preview of their full length album at E3 next year!

Doidle To Be Replaced By A Pachyderm?

So I was recently privileged with the opportunity to perform some reconnaissance on Saturnalia HQ... I am disturbed to release this morsel of terrifying bit of news:

Joe and Josh have a baby elephant hidden behind the couch and are training it to replace Brandon on the keyboards. I did notice a "coincidental" placement of a trumpet and a trombone in the room as well as some off-key warbling emanating from their studio while I was in the shitter, but I believe it's all just a decoy for their true plans. When quizzed about the possible conspiracy, Patrick Shanks replied, "Well, an elephant would be pretty good cause the trunk is like a third hand. Elephant trunks are really precise actually! They can pick up peanuts! Brandon can't pick up peanuts with his trunk, but he can really pound my hole with it."

I'm really sorry that Saturnalia Gossip hasn't been updated in months. This is due to the fact that I suck and later on, I got-der. So. I hope this makes up for it.


Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

CATURNALIA